


A Work in Progress

by ralf



Series: Close to Canon [15]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Canon Divergence, Communication, Episode Related, Episode: s02e13 Those of Demon Blood, Fix-It, M/M, Racism, Racism against Downworlders
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-17
Updated: 2018-03-17
Packaged: 2019-04-03 16:03:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,933
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13999671
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ralf/pseuds/ralf
Summary: “You never have to prove yourself to me.”Magnus frowns. “I never for one second thought that you seriously suspected me of a brutal, pointless murder.”Alec shifts uneasily on his feet, clearly thrown off balance. He stares for a moment, seemingly not reaching any conclusion. “Then why were you so angry?”[Canon Divergence during 2x13.]





	A Work in Progress

**Author's Note:**

> Memory Aid: <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wC73ROBPeh8>
> 
> /rant/ Their make-up-scene annoys me to no end, because Alec totally missed the point with his apology and Magnus didn't even bother to correct him. Either because he preferred to gloss over the real conflict or because he was too overwhelmed by Alec's declaration of love to hold onto his (entirely justified) hurt and anger. Frankly, I don't want to accept either of those options because I think they're entirely unfair to both Alec and Magnus, and honestly I assume the conflict was resolved this way because no more screen-time could be invested in their relationship in this episode. That is the only explanation that makes sense to me because _no one_ can tell me anybody would think this was a healthy and mature way to deal with this conflict..... and from this frustration this ficlet was born. /end rant/

The deep hues of the night sky match Magnus's mood. Since Alec came by his thoughts have been caught in a spiral of angry splinters and pained shards and even after hours passed he's still unsure of how to unravel the mess they've caught themselves in.

He's been standing on the balcony for a while now, leaning on the banister and contemplating the familiar Brooklyn Skyline as if it held all the answers.

He's going to receive some answers soon enough, though. Barely half a minute ago he saw Alec making his way towards the building with long strides. He's here to talk about what happened, undoubtedly, and Magnus doesn't know what to expect. Nervousness has his stomach in knots and he finds himself dreading this conversation. Alec has managed to surprise him in the past, but Magnus still clearly recalls the complete lack of understanding in Alec's eyes when he threw him out earlier. He sighs. Speculating will get him nowhere. Whatever Alec has in store for him, he's about to find out.

He doesn't hear the door open and close but he hears Alec's approaching steps. Magnus doesn't move, staring at the city lighting up the dark instead.

“Magnus, you were right,” Alec opens, and something in Magnus's chest unclenches a little. He hesitates for the fracture of a second before finally turning to Alec, hoping his vulnerability isn't too obvious.. but knowing himself, it's probably plain as day, there for everyone to see.

Alec leans against the banister beside him, facing him, his gaze earnest. “You never have to prove yourself to me.”

Magnus frowns and the tightness returns. “I never for one second thought that you seriously suspected me of a brutal, pointless murder.”

Alec shifts uneasily on his feet, blinks, clearly thrown off balance. He stares for a moment, seemingly not reaching any conclusion. “Then why were you so angry?”

Magnus looks at him searchingly. Alec's face is open and there's nothing but confusion shining in his eyes, not a trace of deliberate incomprehension.

Dejection settles over him. He sighs. “The way the Clave treats us is unacceptable. A warlock killed a shadowhunter and immediately every downworlder is treated like a criminal. One individual breaks the law and a whole race is under suspicion.” Magnus huffs, turning back to the streets underneath, the all too familiar anger rising in his chest. His instinctual impulse is to push it down and away, to not spring all his frustration on Alec, who is a shadowhunter after all, but he knows he needs to stop holding back if he wants to give Alec the chance to understand. So he goes on. “Apart form the hostility and distrust because of our species there's the blatant disregard for our basic rights. They just _demand_ a DNA sample , without the slightest hint of possible guilt. They didn't investigate or inquire alibis or seek evidence. They convict without proof, based on their own prejudices, they always have and they probably always will.”

Alec is silent, his gaze, when Magnus catches it again, intense and grave. He prompts Magnus to continue with a nod, as if sensing that there is more.

Magnus pauses, thoughts tangling in his mind. There have always been shadowhunters who were different, who fought for equality and weren't influenced by the downworlder stereotypes the Clave preaches, but they were few and far between and never in a position of power, never with the authority to change anything.

“When you came to me today you acted as part of the institution that has betrayed and oppressed me in one way or another for my whole long life. From any other shadowhunter that wouldn't matter.”

It would have enraged him all the same, the audacity to be treated so dismissively, as if he had no autonomy, but it would have been expected, just another demonstration of the nephilim's perceived superiority.

“But I _trust_ you, Alexander. And that made it so... cruel. Shadowhunters have always abused the power they have over downworlders. But you're supposed to be different.” Alec flinches at that, and even though the sight pains Magnus he knows that it is deserved, that he can't shield Alec from the fallout of his own actions. “I can't take that kind of treatment from you.”

To see him act like he is just a mindless soldier with no conscience makes Magnus doubt Alec's judgment, and worse, his own, too. Alec must have known somewhere deep down that what he was doing was wrong, but he did it anyway. The question why has been nagging at Magnus ever since the door shut behind Alec, accompanied by the little voice whispering in the back of his head that he is once more blinded by love, too naïve and gullible to realize that he put his faith in the wrong person again. He has practice quenching that voice – he has decades of experience with this, after all – but that doesn't make it easier to shake off.

Alec is looking at him, dismay etched into his features and his voice is heavy with sincerity when he says, “I'm sorry.”

Magnus believes him, believes that he truly is and that Alec hadn't seen his actions in this light, hadn't understood the cause for Magnus's fierce reaction. But it's exactly this blindness for a downwolder's perspective, for discrimination and injustice that is the reason that nothing ever changes.

Far from all shadowhunters are downright racists, but the great majority of them simply doesn't care what happens to downworlders. If they're mistreated or not couldn't touch their lives any less. It has no impact on their feelings, their thoughts, the way they view the world. It is insignificant. And so the status quo always stays the same.

Magnus shakes himself out of his negative thoughts. Just because a large portion of nephilim society consists of self-righteous and inconsiderate tools doesn't mean he has to give up hope for all of them. There are quite a few promising exceptions in New York's current generation and one of them is standing in front of him, watching him attentively, ready to listen.

Alec is young and he grew up surrounded and raised by shadowhunters with a certain mindset, so it's not entirely his fault he didn't comprehend why his behavior was imperious. And more importantly: he actually cares. He's here, making an effort to understand and learn, to atone. At the moment Magnus can't really ask for more. Magnus himself – even after a handful of centuries – is still a work in progress, too.

“You're not like that, Alec. You are not like _them_ and you've prov en that in the past. You value justice above baseless accusations and I want you to always be true to yourself. I'm not asking you to give me or other downworlders special treatment or break the rules for me. I'm asking you to do what's in your heart, what _you_ believe to be right, and not let anybody else control your actions.”

_I want you to stand up for yourself and not bow to anyone. Not ever again._

Alec swallows, hesitates over his words before he speaks. “I just wanted to keep you safe. With a solid proof of your innocence I knew the Clave couldn't try anything. Even though things have calmed down considerably there are still...” He trails off.

“People who would love to wipe me off the face of the earth?” Magnus suggests, slightly amused despite the still tense atmosphere.

Alec nods. “The whole DNA test was Luke's idea. I just.. assumed that you'd be okay with it, too, since he's a downworlder like you.”

Magnus can see where Alec is coming from and a part of the tightness coiled in his chest is starting to let up at the knowledge that Alec's aim was to protect. Still, he overlooked some things.

“Luke is mortal, and above that, he was a shadowhunter half his life. We have a very different perspective,” he says. But that isn't even the main issue. Despite his good intentions Alec missed the way his decision to proceed with the DNA sampling took the freedom of choice from Magnus, and that was the part that hurt the most.

“I'm willing to work with the Clave, to a certain extent,” he starts. “And of course I have an interest not to be considered a murderer by them.” He pauses. “But not at all costs. _Certainly_ not at the cost of giving up my personal rights. There are certain lines I'm not willing to cross, some information I'll never give up if I can help it, no matter if I have anything to hide or not, and one of them is my genotype. It's a matter of principle.” Magnus sighs. “The decision how much of my integrity I'm willing to give up is mine to make. Today, you forced me into a choice, disregarding my personal views and basic respect I deserve as a living being. _That_ is the reason why I was so angry.”

He doesn't say that he doesn't even want to imagine what the Clave could do with a DNA sample of him. _He_ can think of a few nasty spells at the top of his head and he doesn't trust the Clave not to conveniently forget about the Accords should it suit their purposes. It wouldn't be the first time by far.

This is a discussion for another day, though. Alec may not believe in the Clave and its infallibility the way he did before, but there is still some kind of naïve optimistic trust. A loyalty that's been built for over two decades doesn't just disappear overnight.

He can work on deconstructing that misplaced faith. But one thing at a time. For now he concentrates on Alec, on the way regret has settled deeply into eyes, his lips twisted together in sorrow.

“I don't know what to say except I'm sorry. For doing that to you, and for not understanding it sooner. I..” Alec looks away, focusing on the banister instead. “I'm really sorry.” He shakes his head, voice self-deprecating when he says, “It feels like I'm doing little else than apologizing these days.”

Magnus can't help himself at that, he raises his hand to lay against Alec's cheek to soothe him. “It's alright.”

Alec's eyes find his once again and a frown creases his forehead. “How can you say that?”

Magnus's heart aches for him, too used to suffer for a wrong decision to accept easily granted forgiveness.

“Alexander. You're still figuring things out. After a lifetime of being told what to think and what to do it's only natural to need time to get used to it all.”

Conflicted emotions splay across Alec's face, anguish, regret, insecurity and upset, but it's the badly concealed fear that gets Magnus the most. He reminds himself once again that Alec, for all his confident demeanor, is still inexperienced when it comes to relationships and so he strokes his thumb softly over Alec's cheek. “You have nothing to worry about. I love you.”

The effect is instant. Alec relaxes distinctly and even though the sadness doesn't entirely leave his eyes he seems lighter and Magnus knows he said the right thing.

“I love you, too.”

The warmth Magnus has come to associate with Alec and is not yet used to settles around his heart and he can't do anything but lean in and find Alec's lips for a slow kiss.

 


End file.
